Tag Archives: growing up

Family Time..


Just isn’t what it used to be…

I am a waitress. Have been for, well, a very long time. 

A few days ago, a mom came in with her boys – about 10 or 11 years old. They ordered their drinks and she asked if we had a drink menu, she needed alcohol.

I could relate – I mean, I do have two children after all…

I looked at the boys and grinned –

“Ok guys – what did you do?”

Mom- Them? Not a thing – this is the best part of my day.

I was thrilled to hear that.  It has been such a long time since I have seen a family out to dinner really interacting with each other. It is a very rare sight.

People come in with their children, of all ages. They immediately set up a tablet with cartoons or something for the toddler to watch. The 6-year-old or so is given one to play games on and the tweens and teens are staring at their phones – Facebook, snapchat whatever it is these days.Then the adults pull out their phones. They stare at their phones or call someone and talk to anyone but their family. 

Aside from the pain in the ass this is for a server – 

“Hi, how are you guys doing today?”

((( crickets)))  

“Can I get you all something to drink?”

(((crickets)))

It’s crazy. 

When I was a mom to younger children, we all talked. We used the crayons and that activity sheet/ kids menu all restaurants seem to have. We begged the toddler not to throw his pacifier on the floor again. We laughed at the faces made by the 3-year-old when we gave him a lemon.

 Now? Parents don’t even realize that the kids menu is on that paper. The crayons don’t get opened. The paper ends up on the floor. The child throws his pacifier on the floor and no one notices. 

When did this happen? 

The DirectTv commercials…cell phone companies – they offer the ability to “take your tv with you” and show families camping ..sitting around a fire with their tablets and phones watching television. Why even bother going anywhere? Isn’t the point of going somewhere to do something different?

I have quit taking my phone into the restaurant when we go to dinner. There is nothing going on that I need to interrupt my family time for. There is no one I can not call back in 30 minutes when I am finished eating. 

I wish everyone would. I am tired of trying to talk to people who can’t look up from their phones… or talk mumble while looking down at their phone and expect me to hear them. 

This is the modern family –

I do realize that all families are not like this – I wish none of them were. 

There Goes My Life..


As I  went to insert the song into this post, I discovered that WordPress has gone up – WAY UP – in the price of their service that includes adding music to your posts. So, I am having to wiggle around it until I find a new host who does NOT charge an outrageous price – or find a CSS writing class and start my own.

ANY-who. That is the explanation for the odd link to the music today.

I don’t know if you have realized it or not, but I love music. Even more than music, country music. Even more than country music – Kenny Chesney!

But..that is not really the point here.

I have a song for everything! Really! Give me a day, a person, a thing, a place – I have a song for it. I dare you – I double dog dare you!  There is a comment section – do it!

Again, though, not the point…

My song for Justin – My Dork – is – surprise, surprise – a Kenny Chesney song, the one above,  “There Goes My Life”.

I have told the story before of how The Dork saved me… and well…about a month ago, not only did he ask his beautiful girlfriend Maggie May (not really her name) and her baby boy Axle Rose (only half is his real name) to marry him, but he took a job in Louisiana and well….

THERE GOES MY LIFE…

(This part of it, anyway… we still have Goose for 2 1/2 more years before the Air Force gets him…)

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ADHD in a nutshell…


Someone shared this one Facecrack the other day and I found it so perfect – I had to share it here…. this is ME in a nutshell – LOOK! SQUIRREL!!

SQUIRREL!

My arch enemy…the squirrel!

ADHD is about having broken filters on your perception.

Normal people have a sort of mental secretary that takes the 99% of irrelevant crap that crosses their mind, and simply deletes it before they become consciously aware of it. As such, their mental workspace is like a huge clean whiteboard, ready to hold and organize useful information.

ADHD people… have no such luxury. Every single thing that comes in the front door gets written directly on the whiteboard in bold, underlined red letters, no matter what it is, and no matter what has to be erased in order for it to fit.

As such, if we’re in the middle of some particularly important mental task, and our eye should happen to light upon… a doorknob, for instance, it’s like someone burst into the room, clad in pink feathers and heralded by trumpets, screaming HEY LOOK EVERYONE, IT’S A DOORKNOB! LOOK AT IT! LOOK! IT OPENS THE DOOR IF YOU TURN IT! ISN’T THAT NEAT? I WONDER HOW THAT ACTUALLY WORKS DO YOU SUPPOSE THERE’S A CAM OR WHAT? MAYBE ITS SOME KIND OF SPRING WINCH AFFAIR ALTHOUGH THAT SEEMS KIND OF UNWORKABLE.

It’s like living in a soft rain of post-it notes.

This happens every single waking moment, and we have to manually examine each thought, check for relevance, and try desperately to remember what the thing was we were thinking before it came along, if not. Most often we forget, and if we aren’t caught up in the intricacies of doorknob engineering, we cast wildly about for context, trying to guess what the hell we were up to from the clues available.

On the other hand, we’re extremely good at working out the context of random remarks, as we’re effectively doing that all the time anyway.

We rely heavily on routine, and 90% of the time get by on autopilot. You can’t get distracted from a sufficiently ingrained habit, no matter what useless crap is going on inside your head… unless someone goes and actually disrupts your routine. I’ve actually been distracted out of taking my lunch to work, on several occasions, by my wife reminding me to take my lunch to work. What the? Who? Oh, yeah, will do. Where was I? um… briefcase! Got it. Now keys.. okay, see you honey!

Also, there’s a diminishing-returns thing going on when trying to concentrate on what you might call a non-interactive task. Entering a big block of numbers into a spreadsheet, for instance. Keeping focused on the task takes exponentially more effort each minute, for less and less result. If you’ve ever held a brick out at arm’s length for an extended period, you’ll know the feeling. That’s why the internet, for instance, is like crack to us – it’s a non-stop influx of constantly-new things, so we can flick from one to the next after only seconds. Its better/worse than pistachios.

The exception to this is a thing we get called hyper focus. Occasionally, when something just clicks with us, we can get ridiculously deeply drawn into it, and NOTHING can distract us. We’ve locked our metaphorical office door, and we’re not coming out for anything short of a tornado.

Medication takes the edge off. It reduces the input, it tones down the fluster, it makes it easier to ignore trivial stuff, and it increases the maximum focus-time. Imagine steadicam for your skull. It also happens to make my vision go a little weird and loomy occasionally, and can reduce appetite a bit.

Hope this helps and please do share this so that more people can learn what its really like to have ADHD.