Tag Archives: God

..Spoke too soon…


Monday morning, the nursing home calls and the are sending Mother to the ER. Same thing, different day. She had just finished the last antibiotics she had been on three days before.

I met her at the hospital and they had already ordered antibiotics. I put a halt to those and after a few hours, a long talk with hospice – part of which was telling them about her DNR and living will – we decided to send her to the Hospice facility.

Hospice doesn’t work exactly how I thought it did. I always thought you get close to the end, you move there and well, basically they keep you drugged up until you die – no matter how long it takes.

Throughout this process, I have found that while that is true – it is not that simple.

Hospice took over care of her major problems- basically, bluntly, the disease that is killing her, faster every day it seems, her COPD.  While the nursing home doctor still takes care of the other things, her blood thinners, blood pressure meds, thyroid, stomach meds, the hospice doctor takes care of her lungs and pain. The hospice doctor has a great deal more leeway with the pain meds and narcotics than the nursing home doctor as he provides for end of life care – the part about keeping her doped up until she dies.

I followed her to the hospice facility and as we got her checked in, went over a bit of her meds, etc. Filled out her menu and I went home. I assumed that they would follow the med list that she had been ob and that the word had been passed about no antibiotics. Remember the saying about that word, “assumed” – ass out of u and me – well…

I got there Tuesday morning, after voting (I voted, did you?) and before work. The nurse came in to give her the morning meds – timing, huh?

This is the kicker. She told me they had done a urine culture and started her on an antibiotic for a UTI. NO. She is not to have antibiotics. “The dr. started her on them just in case of a UTI”  No antibiotics means NO ANTIBIOTICS. PERIOD. ” Is this the rule at the nursing facility? The ER? Because those do not apply here”  NO. This is in her living will. “why not? It is for the UTI. You are going to need to talk to the doctor”   No antibiotics for anything. The antibiotic for the UTI is going to also treat the pneumonia and she will get better(ish). Then in two weeks we will be right back here. Which is what she does not want. She is tired of the merry go round.

She held it, but gruffly told me I needed to speak to the doctor. Fine. As I left, I put a note on her table with a message for the doctor to call me. I am still waiting.

I went back up after work, and the chaplain was there, so I didn’t stay long with mom. I found the nurse in charge and we went over the med list. I have had to learn to reign in my temper. These things make it difficult. Everyone is not on the same page and I really though that is how this was supposed to work. UGH.

They changed some meds, they don’t have some of her meds on site. These meds are not necessary.  Grrr. I walked away, with a stern look and asked her to please have the doctor or LPN call me. I forgot something and turned around – she was on the phone with her and said she is at the front office if you want to talk to her.

I meet her ….she tells me about the meds not on site – her stomach meds – without these meds she can not eat. She put her back on 2 that she doesn’t need to be on because the CDIFF seems to be returning, but they don’t test for that. They changed one because mother said she had been on it forever and it didn’t seem to work – so they put her on one that she took before that does NOT work . The  one she has been on  – that DOES work. The paperwork says that they have to talk to ME for changes. ARGH!

When I went in yesterday morning, she seemed to be feeling better. The afternoon, not so much. She said she felt worse and looked like she was feeling worse.

I am fairly certain this is because she was on the antibiotic and then she wasn’t.

How crappy do I feel now? Very. I know this was her decision. We talked about it between ourselves and with the staff at the nursing home. Still. She was feeling better and 8 hours later….

I thought hospice was supposed to help make all of this easier.

Of course, nothing with this experience has been easy.

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There Goes My Life..


As I  went to insert the song into this post, I discovered that WordPress has gone up – WAY UP – in the price of their service that includes adding music to your posts. So, I am having to wiggle around it until I find a new host who does NOT charge an outrageous price – or find a CSS writing class and start my own.

ANY-who. That is the explanation for the odd link to the music today.

I don’t know if you have realized it or not, but I love music. Even more than music, country music. Even more than country music – Kenny Chesney!

But..that is not really the point here.

I have a song for everything! Really! Give me a day, a person, a thing, a place – I have a song for it. I dare you – I double dog dare you!  There is a comment section – do it!

Again, though, not the point…

My song for Justin – My Dork – is – surprise, surprise – a Kenny Chesney song, the one above,  “There Goes My Life”.

I have told the story before of how The Dork saved me… and well…about a month ago, not only did he ask his beautiful girlfriend Maggie May (not really her name) and her baby boy Axle Rose (only half is his real name) to marry him, but he took a job in Louisiana and well….

THERE GOES MY LIFE…

(This part of it, anyway… we still have Goose for 2 1/2 more years before the Air Force gets him…)

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My hopes for my children…


My cousin, Sylvia Orozco, posted this on facecrack, written by Lee Pitts , and I felt  the need to share it, so that maybe my boys would see it….

” I would really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother And it’s all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he’s scared, I hope you let him. When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag along, I hope you’ll let him. I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head. I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl. May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove . I don’t care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don’t like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend. I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa . May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays. These things I wish for you – tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it’s the only way to appreciate life. 

I would like to add – that I hope you feel strongly enough in your beliefs to stick to them and up for them. Yet, don’t turn your back on those who believe differently. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree. The world would be a very boring place if everyone agreed on everything. 

Sometimes, you will be wrong. Be honest and humble enough to admit when you are. Don’t gloat when you win, and shake the winners hand when you don’t.  

If someone falls, help them up. One day, you may be the one to fall. Never be afraid to ask for help, but be sure to offer it as well. Thank the Lord every day for the things you have. Your health and your family, and pray for those who who don’t. Pray for those who serve and fight for your right to do so. Pray for not only your friends, but your enemies. Forgive and forget, life is too short to be angry and hold a grudge. 

Sometimes, in life, you have to settle. A car, a house, even a job, but don’t get comfortable there. Always  continue to strive for more. Don’t just live your life content with where you are. But NEVER settle for the person you spend your life with. Hold out for your soul mate and once you have found her, never let her go. 

NEVER give up, never surrender.

…and remember … you are never too old to hold your mother’s hand.