If I were President…


If I were President of these here United States…

Nap time, much like a siesta, would be a required part of the day.

Those low riding jeans that show the teen girls butt crack (or that fat woman in wal mart at 2 am    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ ) and then so low in the front you are certain either

a) she has yet to reach puberty or

b) she waxes

and then you just feel icky for thinking either, but how can you help it – I mean, she’s putting it all out there Brittany Spears style?

Anyway – those jeans – Nope – BANNED. Nuh uh.

Bra’s being seen under tanks tops? Yep. Ticketing issue as well. Call out the fashion police!

Pants on the ground? Only if you are changing them. I don’t wanna see any guys underwear anymore than I wanna see the girls butt crack! (or his butt crack) .. and if you have to walk around holding your pants up they are too big! Your pants must fit!

No “wife beater” t-shirts worn as anything but under shirts – can we just say – eww.

And mullets are outlawed in 49 states. Alabama, well, they can’t help it, most are born that way.

And last, on the fashion police, if you can be the subject of a Jeff Foxworthy joke, yeah, a fashion ticket is probably in your future..

Candy companies would be required to sell packs of ONLY red lifesavers, skittles, etc. (Cause red IS the BEST flavor, you  know?)

and candy companies will also have to mark the chocolates in the Valentine’s Boxes so I know if I am getting a chocolate covered cherry or a mouth full of nasty coconut.

Wars would be fought using video games. This way, they could be just as violent, but CHEAPER and no one really has to die – and they could be played on-line. Thank you Al Gore for inventing the internet.

You could drive as fast as you wanted on interstate highways (outside of the major cities..say, that LONG trek between Tifton and Locust Grove?)

Atheists would not get religious based holidays off. Sorry – someone has to work Christmas and Easter and you don’t believe in the reason for the holiday, so who better?

All men should have to wear one of those pregnant “Empathy Suits”  http://empathybelly.com/home.html during their baby momma’s pregnancy. Why? Cause there is no way to force a kidney stone to pass and from what has been described to me – that is the closest a man will ever come to feeling the pain of child-birth. So, I guess this would have to do.

Oh, and while we are here, all men should have to spend a day in pantyhose, high heels, a bra and a thong. Then see if you still want us to wear these things all the time. (Yes, I have worn a tie, so don’t go there)..

I know there are a lot of really SERIOUS things the President must work on, surely there are, though I can’t say I “see” our Pres working on much more than his vacation plans and his golf swing, maybe the next one will. We can only HOPE for a CHANGE.

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