Happy Birthday to me – 2009

Here we are again. January 28 – the day before yet another birthday. This year, I will be 36. A full year has passed and I am another year older and another year wiser. Yeah right. Wiser? Ha!

I don’t know, maybe I am. I have discovered some things about myself over the past year that have taught me a thing or two and wouldn’t that make me wiser?

I found out that I should always “trust my gut”. I thought about just cancelling my hysterectomy. I mean, we were just doing it as a precaution. Reese ahd gotten a new job and packing and taking care of the house and kids and dog while recouperating was going to be a pain, right? Something told me to go ahead and get it over with and sure enough, they found cancer. If I had put it off, it wouldn’t have been found until it was too late to treat, so Snoopy dances all around!

I learned the many meanings of “There’s no place like home”. We wanted for so long to head back east that when we did, I did not realize that home for us now had become Washington. Home is more than a location. It was for us, the friends who had become our family there. It was very hard to leave. We had watched Ken and Kim’s children grow up. Fred (Kyel) was barely talking when we got there and by the time we left, we couldn’t get him to stop!  He broke his arm in my front yard…

Just recently, through the suggestion of a dear friend,I discovered Facebook- my newest addiction. With this discovery, came some hard lessons about myself. When this friend and I were talking he posed a simple, but complicated, question to me – why?

Why catch up after all of these years?

It has given me pause to think. I have always felt as if there was something missing from my life. I thought it was just that I hadn’t found myself yet. I know! You’d think after 36 years I’d know who I am…  but that’s not entirely it.

First things first. The catching up gave me a chance to deal with something very personal that can not be spoken of here, except to say that having done so has taken an enormous weight off my heart.

My opinion of the class reunion has always been – they had no time for me then, why should I care now?

I had ALOT going on senior year. I had so much bottled up inside and I desperately needed a friend to lean on. I had family issues and then of course, senior year was the year my bi-polar disorder kicked in full swing. I was a mess and noone seemed to notice. I felt for years that all of my friends had just abandoned me.

Growing up, though, you see things in a different light. My friends didn’t abandon me. I checked out. I didn’t let anyone know I needed help. It took 10 years to get the bi-polar under control – I had no idea what was going on with that, so how could anyone else?

We were teenagers and we all had our own problems, problems that seemed life or death at the time, but as adults they seem pretty trivial. I was dealing with some pretty adult stuff that I was just too young to handle.

So, now, I think I have figured out some of what is missing! I grew up with these people I am reconnecting with on Facebook. We were cheerleaders, drill team, football…we all knew each others deepest secrets (or at least we thought we did) we went to dances and pep rallies – we did everything together. I guess had  a picture in my mind of a small town , not much unlike the one we had grown up in and we would all rasie our kids together. They would all know each other and play ball and go to school..  I know we can’t all be small townies now. If anything, our small town isn’t exactly the same small town anymore. Unless you move to say Ridgefield, Washington or somewhere in Utah, are there really any small towns left?

I am so glad to have found Facebook and a way to catch up with the people who have mattered in my life. I am closer to home now. I have a huge house, with plenty of room for guests. So, if Sam or Beth, or Gina or Jeff want to head down to Florida for a quick vacation..we are only 30 minutes from the beach and a couple of hours from Disney World and I would love to see you guys again!! Bring your kids and stay awhile!

I guess that’s it for now…gotta get busy…the guys got me Eagles concert tickets for my birthday (I guess they learned, Kim, after I missed the George Strait show last year when the didn’t pay attention)
so I am gonna go listen to the great ones sing tonight. With Justin and a friend. Reese is sick and staying home with the little one.

Oh- and an FYI- I have started my “Kenny Chesney concert fund”  because great music, good songs and a hot guy singing them are terrible things to waste!


One response to “Happy Birthday to me – 2009

  1. Hey Kiddo,
    Happy Birthday….That’s a great way to look at the age part and I think I’ll use that when mine rolls around, besides they say that your mind is set at a certain age no matter how old you get anyway!…..Have fun, and be happy

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